Consumed In Christ

What is my direction? Left… with my parents’ mistakes. Right… destroyed by society’s failings. Left… to fend for oneself in this desolation. Right… distraught, forsaken in one cold world. Left… weak and feeble looking only for strength. Right… afraid of anything good this place might offer. Left is worthless. Right is hopeless. Standing still is still worse. Yet, so many choose wrongly. So many choose to wallow in their present, given circumstance. They find themselves born into a mess, into mistakes, into troubles and assume that their lives have Calvinistically been set out before them, and in their assumptions they lose all hope, all faith, even their desires begin to melt away. They’ve given up. They’ve forgotten what is means to live, to care, what it means to look forward. There’s a story that’s been passed down from generation to generation in the Scottish culture. It tells of a man, named Robert the Bruce, who is commonly known as the future king, guilty of betraying the infamo...

I wept as I awoke from that horrible slumber. I was given a nightmare, and maybe it had a purpose. But I’d rather not care… I simply wish to never see the days that were shown to me. My heart was terrified as I tossed in my bed. My spirit was tormented in this virtual world had enveloped me. The two most precious things to me were taken away. They were lost, stolen, ripped from my hands. The dream is hazy to me now but the agony began when my brother had breathed his last. He was as he is now… young, a lover to God, full of life, full of happiness. And his passing came too soon. The brother who inspired me was gone, the one who gave me hope for myself had left me here. If you’ve never lost a loved one then the pain can simply not be understood. And as I wallowed in the death of one that was much to close to lose I took another blow. The love of my life was snatched from my presence… there was no reason to live in this moment. All that I loved was gone, all that I cared about had fa...

Inspire me please. Delve into the depths of me and stir till I am too undone to move. I need inspiration. Prompt me to better things! Oh please show me, give me, reveal in me the glory of it all, the purpose, the reason, the passion that remains untapped. My tongue feels useless, my hands are numb. I've lost feeling in these toes and my every next step is only a stumble. My next words are only babble and what I've written has produced what in me? A gift beyond and yet a gift unseen, unfelt, unknown. My love is but a flicker and this warmth has fled from my being. I am craving something new, something better than who I am. My every second feels fleeting... I've never known how quickly time runs from you until now. I need rebirth, I need new life. Fatigue has overcome me again and if He had blessed me with better ducts my words here would surely be smudged. I am no man... I am no child... No, I have become my own creation, my own work of depravity.  Am I to lose in this life?...

I saw something today... an alternate life, I guess you could say. I've had a long time friend who I had grown up with, who I have known since birth really. Our families were best of friends, our brothers were best friends and she was, if nothing else, a close friend. I held a deep care and concern for her life and prayed often for her as a child. I don't mean to meditate too much on this subject but I must get it off my chest. And forgive me, the few of you who understand more than the rest, for going on and on but I feel as if my point has not been properly received. It was her wedding today. And she was given to a man that I've never known but whose sight and smell cause me to ache, as only alcohol and smoldering tobacco can. I felt unhinged, like I had missed the opportunity to change what was and now what is. Many years back this young girl fell victim to an all too common disease called divorce. Her parents split and her life took a spin into world of pain and vacancy...

Turns out that this blog will, for the next 12 to 13 weeks, be used as a class project. However, this does not mean that I will be posting long mathematical formulas or long dissertations about why earthworms are essential for the preservation of our planet. Our assignment is to blog at least once a week for 12 weeks about our CLC experience and to inform others about who we are. I hope that all of you know me pretty well already, but for those who do not or would like to know me more... this is the lazy way to achieve that. :)  Either way, I've been faced with a decision. So to initiate this assignment I want to make it known that this is heavy upon my heart. Before I came to CLC it was my intention to go off to college at Southeastern University. I put a lot of thought into this desire, I applied, and I was accepted by the college. Turns out, however, that money was too much of an obstacle for me at the time, both in the physical manner and in the realm of my faith. So whether by...

Maybe I've finally understood it today, the reason why our passions seem so far removed from us. Maybe I see now why those things we desire the most are really the last things we will ever achieve.  I don't know if you've ever wondered why those things you do like drinking, or smoking, or being stupid always leave you wanting more of something... like it didn't really do its job? Or even in the secret when your looking at porn, or cutting, or just being stupid... again. I hope we've all realized at least some degree of this emptiness and longing for something more. Because if we ignore it then we're just telling ourselves that we're satisfied with who we are, where we are and what we're doing. And shouldn't we all be seeking to better ourselves, to overcome those things that remain in our path blocking our way to peace and joy. You know what I'm talking about. You know the irritating addiction of never having enough... We go through each day tryi...